The “So-called Believer”
March 26th, 2008By Amy Roberts
A pastor was giving a children’s sermon and he asked a series of questions: “What has a bushy tail, climbs trees and stores nuts for the winter?” One boy tentatively raised his hand and said, “I know the answer must be Jesus, God or the Bible, but it sure sounds like a squirrel.” Just because the question is asked in church, doesn’t make it a spiritual question. Just because a person is in church, doesn’t make that person a Christian. Are we, the body, closing our eyes to a mission field sitting in the pew next to us? Are we ordaining deacons, elders, Sunday school teachers, youth workers, even pastors because they look like Christians, without making even the slightest effort to apply the standards found in Scripture? Chris Gruver’s testimony is a prime example of this very problem.
Chris Gruver, a junior in Youth Ministry at CIU, lived a life that looked spiritual from outward appearances. His story illustrates a serious deception in our churches that weakens the Body. People are going to hell and they don’t even know it. Here at CIU, we train and equip workers to spread the Gospel. I believe Chris’s story can shed light into a mission field we may not think of very often – the “so-called believer”.
Chris was raised in a strong Christian home. He grew up in a large, religiously active family. His parents are in Christian education and were missionaries to Russia while he was in high school. As a child he attended AWANA, where he received the Timothy Award for exemplary performance, as well as becoming a leader at the national camp. He also attended a Christian school and was well-versed in Christianity. Chris says, “The danger of growing up this way is that Christianity is all you know, you don’t question it, and when you get to an age where you do question it, you are often not in a place where you are surrounded by community who will be able to answer those questions.”
No one ever questioned whether Chris was a believer. When he was ten years old, he first felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit at a Sunday night service. When Chris came forward at the invitation, the pastor said, “What are you doing here?” He didn’t know. At ten he didn’t have words for it. When the pastor asked if he needed to be baptized, Chris thought that must have been the answer. He had been told that he became a believer at 4 and that was all he had worried about at the time.
When he was in high school, his family moved to Moscow where his parents ran a school for missionary kids, but they returned to the States the day Chris graduated from high school. That’s when he hit a crisis point: His father could not get a job, his mother was having her 8th child, and Chris was not able to get the soccer scholarship he had hoped for because he had been overseas. Ten of them were sharing a single wide trailer. While his father was looking for work as a Christian school administrator, Chris needed to work to support the family so he was not able to fulfill his dream to go to college. He was seventeen.
Looking back, Chris says he became angry at God and said, “Forget Christianity”. He still went to church, because that’s what you did, but he was rebelling against God. There was a dichotomy between his behavior on “Christian time” and in reality. As the years went on it became harder and harder to reconcile the two.
Eventually, he was able to attend a Christian college. At school, he continued living a classic double life. He had a group of Christian friends and a second immoral life on the side. Slowly, he retreated from God and the life he had once known. He had previously enjoyed worship and being around Christians, but now he had chosen the other camp. “I was not someone I would have chosen to save,” Chris says. “I was even less worthy, because I pretended that I was worthy. I was a hypocrite in the fullest, most complete sense of the word.”
His sophomore year, God said that was enough. Three weeks into the fall semester, Chris came down with a severe case of mono. He had to drop out of school and was bedridden for 6 weeks, which scared him. When he recovered, he began attending church again because “I was terrified that God was going to kill me. I got involved because that’s what made God happy.” However, his behavior was not a reflection of his heart, but continued to be superficial and legalistic. Nonetheless, Chris believed he was a Christian because his family told him he had come to know the Lord when he was four and had been baptized when he was eleven. He didn’t know that he wasn’t a believer because he fulfilled all the outward requirements.
God intervened again when Life Action Ministries came and did a crusade at his church. Everyone encouraged him to join that ministry, and he did. They put him into training for two months. During that time, Tom Maharis came to speak and Chris immediately recognized that there was something different about this man that was not true in Chris’ life. Maharis spoke on Psalm 26 and for the second time in his life Chris felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit. He went down the aisle and for the second time, a pastor said to him, “Chris, what are you doing here?” This time however, he knew enough to say, “I don’t know, but something’s not right.” He took Chris and asked him all the standard questions. Chris remembers, “I knew all the “right” answers but this time I answered from my heart and not my head. I couldn’t honestly say that Jesus was my Lord, or that I loved His Word.” Instead of sending Chris back to his seat, his pastor challenged him to read 1 John. Chris got into a canoe and paddled to the middle of the lake where he read 1 John to see if he was truly saved. He knew within the first few minutes that he was not walking in the light, and needed to turn his life over to Christ, which he did. As he reflected on 1 John, he realized that everything that typified a Christian, was not true about him. He had been his own god. Even though he was not living in outright sin anymore, the root was still there. He prayed that God would come into his heart, not as someone he’d heard about all his life, but as his Lord and Savior.
Since then he was able to be involved in many vibrant ministries, here in the States and overseas in Indonesia. For One of the villages he went to had a church with believers who love the Lord. This church has started 18 evangelistic outreaches, but their prayer is for leadership training, some type of Bible school. In many places they are so desperate for materials that they often pick up Jehovah’s Witness materials because it is all that is available. Because of this need, Chris plans to do leadership training in Indonesia after graduating from CIU in May.
When asked why he had so many opportunities in his life to work in the ministry without anyone discovering that he wasn’t a believer, Chris had some interesting perspectives to share. “I think modern evangelicalism has confused spirituality with religiosity. Because we don’t have forms that dictate our religious life, it gets gray. I was able to bluff my way through most religious settings and in many places they just needed someone, and I was personable and knew the church language and had musical abilities. I think most people assume that if you’re willing to volunteer for a church position, you are a believer, where in reality the opposite may be true, that people get into the church to hide from God and/or other people. The reality is that very few people will question the internal if the externals are good.”
As we are preparing to go into the world as leaders, we would do well to consider Chris’ story. We are doing a disservice to the people in the pews if we do not help them dig into their own faith stories. True Christianity is more than a lifestyle, but the lifestyle can easily be mistaken for reality. The externals are not what God looks at, but unfortunately it’s what we spend an extraordinary amount of time worrying about. God looks at the heart.