The Pilgrim’s Protest

By Sarah Nixon

Imagine my shock when, only a month before I came to school at CIU freshman year, I had one of my mentors tell me those very words. He had been very influential in my life over the past few years, and his opinion meant the world to me. God had used his teaching to show me the bondage of my legalistic self-righteousness, and I thought highly of his opinion. I was, naturally, very confused. I trusted this godly man, and yet I knew that CIU was where God was placing me for the next chapter of my life. Why would God call me to a school that would feed the very legalism that I am constantly trying to escape?
It was with this mindset that I set off last year to come to CIU, a young, wide-eyed, freshmen, scared that I was going to a school that would lock me up in a legalistic cage and suck all of my passion for Christ away.
What I found was the complete opposite. Despite my mentor’s warning, I found grace in nearly all areas of CIU life, from the expected to the unexpected, warming my heart and causing God to speak into my heart in ways I never could have dreamed.

I’ve found grace in all my classes, from Old Testament to Progress of Redemption. I still remember first semester, taking Research and Literature and reading A Good Man is Hard to Find. I had been struggling with faith, and it was in the discussion of that great short story that God answered my fears very directly. That is not an isolated incident. From Dr. Williams asking us every day during New Testament, “What’s the good news about God’s grace?” to Dr. Gentry pointedly asking how we gain acceptance of God, reminders of the truth of the gospel have been all around.
Grace has come not only in places I could have expected, but also in some very unexpected places. I have seen grace in the form of standards, those oft-bemoaned rules that seem to our eyes so very antithetical to grace. ‘Impossible’, you scoff, ‘where is there grace in the standards?’ “All over them” is my response. The Sunday homework standard forced me to ask myself ‘why can I not take one day and just rest?’ I rolled my eyes at the modesty standards, but now realize they give grace to my brothers in Christ. And even the movie standard, which seems so unfair at times, enables me to not be distracted by things that are far from “true, noble, right, pure, holy and admirable”.
Chapel too, has been a wonderful source of grace, though not always through the guest speakers and teachers. Good sermons impact me, but more often there are times when I listen to everyone worship and I am overwhelmed. It hits me that I am at a school with people whose hearts’ cries are to know Christ and make Him known. I am in the presence of future missionaries and pastors and teachers and businessmen and those who have heard the high calling of Christ and are responding to it. I hear voices raised and I think about the stories of redemption of the people around me and my heart nearly explodes. I look back on my life and I wonder how I got here, to this wonderful school, at this time. God not only condescended to show me this “savage mercy” but also gave me, a broken sinner, the honor of being called to ministry. How can that be anything but glorious grace?
God has shown me grace through people here. From roommates to hallmates to classmates, grace abounds. It has to, considering that sin comes out the most when you are in close contact with people. It is unavoidable in a place like CIU to see sin exposed in yourself. But it is so often in those times, when all we can see is our wretchedness, that God uses people to show us mercy in beautiful and mysterious ways. For me it hasn’t always been easy and nice—many times it has been in hard and painful truths spoken in love. However, it is all at once humbling and overwhelming and wonderful to know that in spite of my mess, that I am loved. It is there that I see God’s heart for community—for people who love and share and dare to be broken together. It is there that I see grace.
I sent my mentor an e-mail midway through last year. While I was respectful, I told him quite honestly that God had shown me more of his heart here at CIU than I ever could have imagined, and never before have I seen grace in so many places and in so many forms. He soon sent an e-mail in response, asking for my forgiveness and said that it had been 15 years since he had been on campus, and that when he had visited grace had seemed to be in poor form. Though he was wrong in telling me those first words, I’m glad he said them. I’m glad he told me I would never find grace because otherwise, in all of the busyness of life, I might not have seen it as clearly. God has shown me so much of his love while I’ve been here, and I can confidently say “there is grace at CIU”.